u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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