imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
