I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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