I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just pynch a tree in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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