Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
