Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
