The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
