so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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