i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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