why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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