And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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