So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
