Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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