I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
