Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
