just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
