At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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