Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
