just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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