were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
