Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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