i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
