OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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