my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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