I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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