you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
