i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
