Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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