Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
