trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
