Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
