My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
