Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
