Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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