she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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