dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
