Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
