Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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