Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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