my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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