he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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