i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
