oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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