and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's shark week go big or go home
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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