I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
