I hate your face
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How's work?
Spinning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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