Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
