so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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