Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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