Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
