they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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