Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
