Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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