he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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