Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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