he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
