So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
