Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
