Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
