whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
