We won't sleep together?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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