So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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