I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize