But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
