never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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