He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
