I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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