i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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