hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
