Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize