Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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