i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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