I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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