He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
