fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
