You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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