My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
