i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
